How I Tamed My Dragon

One day, about six months ago, I got sick of the uncontrolled rage I was faced with any time things didn't go the way Creed thought they should. I didn't like the feeling in our home brought on by his fire-breathing, crazy-eyed, spit foaming, body contorting, insult flying, possessed by a demon reaction when he learned we were having, say, crunchy tacos instead of soft tacos for dinner. Or when a shower was requested of him.

So I formulated a plan in my mind and waited until the next freak-out.

The day began with a mistake of my own. I suggested to the kids that it might be fun to go canoeing later on. Oops. Any self preserving parent knows that you don't announce fun things you plan to do. You just do them. That way you avoid the endless barrage of "How much longer till we leave?" and "Is it time now?" Also, your kids will remember you as a fun, spontaneous person for whom good times just naturally unfold. And finally, you are not the source of disappointment when plans sometimes change. On this particular day, the day of the Canoe Trip that Wasn't, they all ran up to their friend's house almost before my suggestion had escaped my lips and and the afternoon was spent running in and out of our house and up and down the street until dusk. When I announced it was time for showers and pj's and toothbrushes, Creed looked at me and said with a whiny squeal in his voice, "But I thought we were going boating!"

To which I responded "You chose to spend the afternoon playing with your friend. The day is now over, we can't go canoeing. We will have to do it another time."

His transformation was instantaneous. He changed into a familiar mixture of a crazy, psychotic mythical creature and the incredible hulk . . . on steroids. In seconds he was on the couch contorting and foaming and-I kid you not-gnashing his teeth and screaming "YOU'RE SO MEAN! ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS GO BOATING! WE NEVER GET TO GO BOATING! WE NEVER DO ANYTHING FUN! YOU HATE US! I'M RUNNING AWAY!!!!!"

I grabbed my FlipCamera and recorded him.

Eventually he settled down and went to bed. Before climbing into his top bunk, he bestowed his ritual hug and kiss along with the usual "Night, mom. I love you."

He had forgotten his anger, moved on, and left me in the wake of his tantrum. As usual.

A few days later, I took him aside and I showed him the video of The World of Warcraft Kid. Creed was giggling in an I-don't-know-what-this-is,-but-I-am-fascinated kind of way, also in an I-can't-believe-my-mom-is-letting-me-watch-this kind of way. Stella and Jack joined us and right around 0:40 in the video, Stella turned to Creed and said "That kid is just like you!"

Jackpot.

Creed jerked his face toward his sister and said "He is NOT! Gosh," then jerked his head back toward the screen.

After the video, I asked Creed what he thought. We talked about what we thought that kid's family must have felt like during the tantrum. We discussed what might have been going through the kid's mind. We wondered if the kid was embarrassed afterward.

Next, I showed Creed his own personal freak out saved on my FlipCamera from a few days before and luckily he started laughing. "I AM just like that kid! Oh my gosh!"

I reassured him of my undying love for him. I told him that my love and affection for him is not based on his behavior, and that there is nothing he could ever do that would make me stop loving him. I told him I loved him before his tantrums, during his tantrums, and after his tantrums. We talked about what he felt during these episodes and about the fact that they never, ever result in him getting what he wants. We brainstormed different ways for him to express how he feels and now he actually uses them.

Our home is much more peaceful these days. We don't see nearly as many freakouts, the apologies are more spontaneous, and we don't get burned as often as we used to. He has redirected his passion.

I wish you could have seen him the other day, though. Creed overheard Stella telling me about an incident on the playground. He ran up to her and passionately said "Well, you tell SoandSo that if he doesn't start being nice to you that your THIRD GRADE big Brother is going to get him!"

He might be tame, but make no mistake, he is still A Dragon.