This method worked well for a number of years. Even, a little bit, after I actually became a mother.
For example, when McKayla (1 1/2 years old) was hitting my three year old son on the head with a shovel, it wasn't that big of a deal to me. He didn't seem to notice that every once in awhile as they sat in the sand together, his little friend was was whacking him in the head. I thought "why should I make this a bigger deal to me than it is to him?" So I watched. Soon, her mother,
who was heavy with child, started yelling at her. From across the playground. When McKayla didn't respond, she marched up to her daughter, grabbed the shovel, and proceeded to hit her on the head with it all the while saying "There! How to do you like it? It's not fun being hit on the head with a shovel, is it?" Meanwhile, Jack finally started paying attention and was captivated by the sight of his friend's pregnant mother whacking McKayla in the head. I wisely filed the scene away and I have never hit my child on the head with a shovel.
My experience in Student Family Housing is a gold mine of parenting pearls.
Recently, however, we have evolved (devolved?) into a band of ragamuffins. My daughter has had public meltdowns that would put Britney Spears to shame. My son cannot sit still in church and has actually been in fistfights with his siblings as we entered the chapel. I hand my baby off to whoever is closest so that I can put out the (figurative, for now) fires that are igniting among his older siblings. Some days it's all I can do to keep it together until 7:00 so I can send them all to bed with a sigh of relief.
Last week I took them to the Art Center because this is on display. You would have thought I had taken them to participate in a UFC Fight at Chuck-E-Cheese. It was a nightmare. Not to mention the uncontrolled giggling and peeking between two fingers at the huge painting of three Naked Ladies that was on display as we exited the elevator on the third floor. It was a good thing I didn't have a shovel with me.
(First I tried to take them on a Monday, but it was closed. We returned on Thursday.)
I now have a new parenting plan. From now on, or at least until Robert is done with his I.C.U. rotation, we are not leaving the house. Our days will consist of sitting around and scratching ourselves. I am digging out my stretchy pants and my favorite books and hiding under my covers. I plan to throw baloney and raisins at them when they complain that they're hungry. Please send Diet Coke.
When I started typing today, I was going to let you all know that I have changed my mind about cereal. For years I have only stocked Cheerios, Mini Wheats, and Wheaties. Lately I've wondered "why?" Why can't we have Froot Loops, Lucky Charms, and Reese's Puffs? They are all fortified with vitamins and minerals, and some are even made with whole grains. My kids aren't in danger of obesity-so I'm switching. Because the answer to over-active kids is clearly, bowls full of sugar.
Obligatory photo of the babe.
21 comments:
Oh, such truth, my dear, such truth! I was just thinking this morning how much of a better mom I was when I only had two kids. I thought I had it all down. Amazing what age (yours and the kids) and more kids does to you. But experience and reality are beautiful things to be treasured. So I guess my kids will take the brunt of my experience. I guess they'll just have to deal with a mom who doesn't know it all after all.
And bring on those bean recipes! Please!!! I've got a great response, but I'd love to have more!
Oh Liz. Love this post! Many can relate.....many! This is including me!
As for the sugar cereals. My mom would rarely buy them when we were kids. When it did happen, the one box of Froot Loops showed up and we all (6 of us) would fight over it. My brother Jeff would get a large tupperware bowl and fill it the night before, cover it and hide it in his room for the next morning. No joke!
I don't know if there is a happy medium, but I know that never buying sugar is not good. My sister also hid candy in her closet, under her bed, drawers, etc... We were pretty bad!
As for me, I buy sugar cereals (2 boxes) and the "non-sugars". I make them eat the Rice Crispies or Corn Chex atleast once a week and they choose a fruit to put on it. They don't seem to mind at all.
Baloney? Raisins? Add in some carrots and they'll have a balanced meal. I know EXACTLY how you feel (particularly about the stretchy pants). And next time you decide to go to the Art Center, give me a call. Because let's face it, I am both Artsy and Fartsy.
Thank you for that post. Loved that story about the woman hitting her child over the head with a shovel. Sometimes I sorta want to do that to my boy...is that bad?
What a great post.
But I honestly think the rest of us could learn some valuable parenting advice from you.
Can't wait to meet little George...He looks just like Bob! With a little bit of Wait. Cute cute cute.
You are my post for tomorrow. I am sending my strange, vast, yet devoted, readers your way. This is brilliant prose and I feel others must get to share in it, too. You have a writing gift, my friend. I loved it.
Oh, and the cereal thing? Gave up on that one myself, too. Cupboards are full of refined sugar. Breakfast is a beautiful thing around here.
Outloud gut laughs. That's what this post did to me. You speak such truth in such an entertaining way. I could have described the same experience yet it would have sounded whiney and boring. Please keep writing!!
Oh boy, you expressed my life exactly! How come it seems like everybody else's kids are so much better behaved? I was definitely a great mom until I had kids! Most days I want to stay home as well, just so people give me that judgemental stare that makes me feel like a crummy mom!
I can tell you that with all honesty,(being a director of nutrional services for a federally funded program) that rice crispys are not only lacking in flavor, but they also have almost ZERO good nutrition in them. You are way better off eating the frooty loops. Better yet, 2 of the top 10 most healthy cereals are
1. mini wheats (any flavor)
2. Life cereal (any flavor)
And I do not know very many kids that do not devor both of these at any chance they get.
BTW: I came to you from Christine. I have been reading her blog for a while and I came to yours like I was instructed to do. Thanksfor the great read today!
I also came from Christie's. It was well worth the trip. Excellent writing. Let me know how the baloney/raisin things works out, I may have to try that tomorrow.
I was sent by Christie and I loved this post! I always thought I'd be a great mother if it weren't for all the kids.
This is my first visit to your blog, but boy, can I identify! For the record, I once fed my kids balogna and raisins and applesauce for dinner and they told me it was the best meal ever! And, I discovered last night that the second ingredient in cornflakes is sugar. Why even try with the cereal thing! Plus, stretchy pants are my best friends!
I was sent here by Christie. I just have to tell you that you are a fabulous writer. As I told Stie, you had me at line one...I too was a better mother before I became one.
Such sage advice...I have never hit my child with a shovel...yet.
Again, Christie sent me here.
This post rings so true. With four kids of my own, I've felt the same inspirations and frustrations.
Great post!
The museum picture is priceless.
I don't have children, but I literally laughed until my eyes watered when I got to the part about baloney and raisins! I tried to read it to my husband and he couldn't understand me for the laughter. Love this!
I loved your Post. The best ones are always a mothers story.
Just blog hopping.
I learned a lot watching other parents in the Village too - some good, some bad. I'm all for staying home in stretchy pants - between a new baby and a freshly potty trained boy I'm not up for many adventures either :)
I think you just quoted me word for word...what I've said in my head a gazillion times. I was the best mom before kids.
I even tried to buy the sugar cereal but just can't do it anymore...the kids poop turned green from all the dyes and there weren't any whole grains. Now we've compromised by getting the frosted shredded wheat, Life and Quaker Oatmeal Squares. What's interesting though is that my kids still opt for the cheerios, rice squares or rice crispies every once in a while.
Let's just hope our crazy hooligan children are going through a phase and snap out of it.
I enjoyed your post.
OH my heck...you are a riot! I loved this.
Christie sent me over...I'm one of her triplet sisters (not really), but we have the same birthday-although twin and I are a little older.
At any rate, I'm glad she sent me over. I'll be reading more about your daily life now!
Okay, so I brought Ryan to your blog to see your "vacuum dancing" video, but it's not working right now, so I read this post out loud to him. I am crying I'm laughing so hard. He even chuckled out loud a few times.
That means it must have been really funny.
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